I am translating my “Truth about Dating” column into an interesting and informative workshop offered through the Portsmouth Community Education Program. If you are single and having trouble meeting the right person…or, once you meet someone, you have trouble sustaining that relationship, then this workshop is for you. Learn how you can recognize and raise your “Dating Quotient.”
The three-week workshop will be offered Wednesday evenings, from 6:30-8:30, beginning March 17, at the Portsmouth Middle School. For registration information call 603 431-5080, x444.
Showing posts with label Dating Quotient. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating Quotient. Show all posts
Friday, March 12, 2010
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Woman With the Highest 'DQ' Is...
Within minutes of the publishing of my last column citing Howard Stern as the man with the highest Dating Quotient (that is most marketable in the dating world), I received an e-mail from a reader asking me to name a comparable woman with a very high DQ.
Now I hope that regular readers of this column realize that a woman with a high DQ would be someone who is in some ways a direct opposite of Howard Stern, which highlights the abyss-like differences between men and women. That is, a very tall, 55-year-old (another reader corrected me that I mistakenly listed Stern as 56) divorced mother of three children would not have a high DQ.
Anyway, the name that immediately popped into my head was the actress Natalie Portman. For adult men she is at a perfect age, 28, she is slender and petite.
(Yes, contrary to what a lot of women think, most adult men do not aspire to meet 22 year olds. Well, they might "meet" them, but when seeking a woman for a potential long-term relationship, most guys prefer someone a little older. So I project, depending on the man's age that a woman's DQ peaks in the 26-34 age range. Of course that doesn't mean that a woman in her 40s and 50s cannot have a high DQ. Remember, I am describing the woman with the highest DQ.)
Now Natalie is also very intelligent, and, in most of her roles, she plays a bright, down-to-earth woman with a sort of sassy/quirky personality. In fact when interviewing and coaching single and divorced men in recent years, the most common personality trait requested was a playful sense of humor. Men today are looking for women who are fun, interesting and somewhat challenging.
This is a marked change over the past couple of decades. Back in the 1980s, when I started my dating service, men seemed to prefer women with a more traditional, passive female personality.
Having said all of these positives about Natalie Portman, on second thought I realize that Natalie the actress would NOT have the highest DQ. She is too famous, and while most guys would love to meet her and perhaps date her for a while, it is doubtful that most "civilian" men (who are not celebrities) would really want a long-term, serious relationship with a movie star.
So the woman with the highest DQ would NOT be Natalie Portman, but it might be a fictional character that Natalie would play in a movie.
That is, she would look, talk, and act like Natalie Portman, but she would not be a famous actress. In 2009 a woman with a high Dating Quotient certainly would have a job that brings in a decent paycheck. But it would also be a job in which getting ahead does not mean developing an extremely aggressive personality, working long hours or having to travel constantly. (Note that in a previous paragraph I said men prefer a woman who is "somewhat" challenging.)
The woman with the highest DQ would probably have a job that allows for flexibility in terms of scheduling or taking time off to raise a family. While many women today hold high-powered positions that require long hours and mandate inflexible schedules, women in those careers would see their DQ drop. (Remember Mia in the HBO series "In Treatment?")
So what do men ask for? At the dating service that I ran for 23 years and when talking with men with whom I have been consulting as a dating coach in recent years, I have found that the careers most requested by men involve working in what have long been considered traditional female jobs.
That would include working in education or some form of allied health-related field, such as speech or physical therapy. Men also like women in creative fields, but those women would have to have achieved some level of success as artists, musicians, or writers.
This is another way in which men have evolved. Remember, before the women's movement of the 1970s, most men would have not wanted their wives to work outside of the home. Think of "Mad Men's" Don Draper or Pete Daniels' reactions if their wives had suddenly announced they wanted to seek full-time jobs.
It is only in the past 20 years or so that men not only have come to prefer that their wives work, but also that they bring in an income that will help with the mortgage and other skyrocketing family expenses, such as health insurance and college tuitions.
Therefore, allow me to have fun designing my fictional Natalie Portman character with an extremely high DQ. She would have the following characteristics:
· Since Natalie would be playing her, she obviously would look like Natalie Portman. (George Lucas recognized Natalie's broad appeal to men, casting her in the important role of Queen Amadila in three "Star Wars" movies.)
· She would be a physical therapist, who derives a real sense of satisfaction working with young children with physical handicaps.
· Perhaps she also achieved some success by publishing a children's book about a handicapped child who builds a space ship and travels to the moon. The book would not be a best-seller, but it would sell well enough to ensure consistent royalties if and when the character decides to take time off from her job to have a family.
· She would be single, and although in her late 20s (since she devoted so much time and effort to her career), her dating background would be somewhat limited ...; perhaps a boyfriend in college and a few short-term relationships.
· She would possess a slightly sarcastic, quirky sense of humor, which helps her kid around with her handicapped child clients. Eventually she would use that humor to playfully banter when she meets "Mr. Right."
· She would be very down-to-earth, eschewing expensive jewelry and designer clothes, and she would wear a minimal amount of makeup (you know, the no-makeup, makeup look).
· In her free time she would be very athletic, playing golf, skiing, working out regularly, and perhaps running in 10K races.
· Of course she would not smoke or drink more than socially, as she would strive to lead a healthy lifestyle.
· Perhaps she would also do volunteer work, raising money for a nonprofit organization that gives scholarships to handicapped kids so they can eventually go to college.
OK, the above is just an outline of a woman that I believe would have close to a perfect Dating Quotient in this day and age. And before women who don't fit those criteria start sending me angry e-mails, remember I am just passing on what men have told me when asked to describe the type of woman they want to meet.
So please don't shoot the messenger. Oh what the heck, feel free to fire away.
Now I hope that regular readers of this column realize that a woman with a high DQ would be someone who is in some ways a direct opposite of Howard Stern, which highlights the abyss-like differences between men and women. That is, a very tall, 55-year-old (another reader corrected me that I mistakenly listed Stern as 56) divorced mother of three children would not have a high DQ.
Anyway, the name that immediately popped into my head was the actress Natalie Portman. For adult men she is at a perfect age, 28, she is slender and petite.
(Yes, contrary to what a lot of women think, most adult men do not aspire to meet 22 year olds. Well, they might "meet" them, but when seeking a woman for a potential long-term relationship, most guys prefer someone a little older. So I project, depending on the man's age that a woman's DQ peaks in the 26-34 age range. Of course that doesn't mean that a woman in her 40s and 50s cannot have a high DQ. Remember, I am describing the woman with the highest DQ.)
Now Natalie is also very intelligent, and, in most of her roles, she plays a bright, down-to-earth woman with a sort of sassy/quirky personality. In fact when interviewing and coaching single and divorced men in recent years, the most common personality trait requested was a playful sense of humor. Men today are looking for women who are fun, interesting and somewhat challenging.
This is a marked change over the past couple of decades. Back in the 1980s, when I started my dating service, men seemed to prefer women with a more traditional, passive female personality.
Having said all of these positives about Natalie Portman, on second thought I realize that Natalie the actress would NOT have the highest DQ. She is too famous, and while most guys would love to meet her and perhaps date her for a while, it is doubtful that most "civilian" men (who are not celebrities) would really want a long-term, serious relationship with a movie star.
So the woman with the highest DQ would NOT be Natalie Portman, but it might be a fictional character that Natalie would play in a movie.
That is, she would look, talk, and act like Natalie Portman, but she would not be a famous actress. In 2009 a woman with a high Dating Quotient certainly would have a job that brings in a decent paycheck. But it would also be a job in which getting ahead does not mean developing an extremely aggressive personality, working long hours or having to travel constantly. (Note that in a previous paragraph I said men prefer a woman who is "somewhat" challenging.)
The woman with the highest DQ would probably have a job that allows for flexibility in terms of scheduling or taking time off to raise a family. While many women today hold high-powered positions that require long hours and mandate inflexible schedules, women in those careers would see their DQ drop. (Remember Mia in the HBO series "In Treatment?")
So what do men ask for? At the dating service that I ran for 23 years and when talking with men with whom I have been consulting as a dating coach in recent years, I have found that the careers most requested by men involve working in what have long been considered traditional female jobs.
That would include working in education or some form of allied health-related field, such as speech or physical therapy. Men also like women in creative fields, but those women would have to have achieved some level of success as artists, musicians, or writers.
This is another way in which men have evolved. Remember, before the women's movement of the 1970s, most men would have not wanted their wives to work outside of the home. Think of "Mad Men's" Don Draper or Pete Daniels' reactions if their wives had suddenly announced they wanted to seek full-time jobs.
It is only in the past 20 years or so that men not only have come to prefer that their wives work, but also that they bring in an income that will help with the mortgage and other skyrocketing family expenses, such as health insurance and college tuitions.
Therefore, allow me to have fun designing my fictional Natalie Portman character with an extremely high DQ. She would have the following characteristics:
· Since Natalie would be playing her, she obviously would look like Natalie Portman. (George Lucas recognized Natalie's broad appeal to men, casting her in the important role of Queen Amadila in three "Star Wars" movies.)
· She would be a physical therapist, who derives a real sense of satisfaction working with young children with physical handicaps.
· Perhaps she also achieved some success by publishing a children's book about a handicapped child who builds a space ship and travels to the moon. The book would not be a best-seller, but it would sell well enough to ensure consistent royalties if and when the character decides to take time off from her job to have a family.
· She would be single, and although in her late 20s (since she devoted so much time and effort to her career), her dating background would be somewhat limited ...; perhaps a boyfriend in college and a few short-term relationships.
· She would possess a slightly sarcastic, quirky sense of humor, which helps her kid around with her handicapped child clients. Eventually she would use that humor to playfully banter when she meets "Mr. Right."
· She would be very down-to-earth, eschewing expensive jewelry and designer clothes, and she would wear a minimal amount of makeup (you know, the no-makeup, makeup look).
· In her free time she would be very athletic, playing golf, skiing, working out regularly, and perhaps running in 10K races.
· Of course she would not smoke or drink more than socially, as she would strive to lead a healthy lifestyle.
· Perhaps she would also do volunteer work, raising money for a nonprofit organization that gives scholarships to handicapped kids so they can eventually go to college.
OK, the above is just an outline of a woman that I believe would have close to a perfect Dating Quotient in this day and age. And before women who don't fit those criteria start sending me angry e-mails, remember I am just passing on what men have told me when asked to describe the type of woman they want to meet.
So please don't shoot the messenger. Oh what the heck, feel free to fire away.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Who Has the Highest'DQ?' Would You Believe Howard Stern?
Does that headline shock you? I know there are many readers who believe that radio personality Howard Stern is the devil himself.
But when a friend recently asked me to name someone with a really high Dating Quotient (that is someone who would be extremely marketable in the singles' world), none other than Howard Stern was the first name that popped into my head.
Yes, I know that Howard recently married his longtime girlfriend Beth. But when he was single, Howard Stern's DQ was so high it was practically off the charts. And it is not just because he is wealthy, having signed the largest contract in radio history to move his show to satellite radio; though, of course, being wealthy certainly doesn't lower his DQ.
But when a friend recently asked me to name someone with a really high Dating Quotient (that is someone who would be extremely marketable in the singles' world), none other than Howard Stern was the first name that popped into my head.
Yes, I know that Howard recently married his longtime girlfriend Beth. But when he was single, Howard Stern's DQ was so high it was practically off the charts. And it is not just because he is wealthy, having signed the largest contract in radio history to move his show to satellite radio; though, of course, being wealthy certainly doesn't lower his DQ.
But even if he were only moderately successful financially, this so-called "Shock Jock" would still have an extremely high DQ for the following reasons:
Howard is 6 feet 5 inches tall. Regular readers of this column know how important height is when determining a man's DQ.
Howard is committed to living a healthy lifestyle, working out regularly and almost obsessively watching his diet. Women tend to value a healthy lifestyle far more than men.
Howard is 56, which is just about the perfect age for a man, as there are such a large number of single and divorced women in the 40s and 50s looking to meet guys.
Howard is (was) divorced with two grown daughters and one 16-year-old daughter. Most women looking to meet men over 40 do not want to meet men who have never been married or who have young children.- Howard is very funny with a great sense of humor. As I have written before, sense of humor is the number one trait that women ask for in a man. (Most people who are offended by the supposedly racist, sexist, or homophobic bits on his show are people who rarely if ever listen. In practically every case he is actually making fun of racism, sexism and homophobia, exposing their absurdities.)
For the most part Howard is politically and socially liberal. Overall, women tend to be far more liberal than men, a fact proven by recent election data that indicates that women vote Democratic in far higher numbers than do men. And liberal women greatly prefer meeting liberal men.
Despite a media image that portrays Howard as someone who spends most of his time leering at strippers, he actually is a loyal family man who was never accused of cheating on his wife, and who has an excellent relationship with his daughters. Unlike many conservative radio personalities, there has never been one whiff of scandal linked to Howard's personal life. He also has an excellent relationship with his parents and doesn't mind saying "I love you Mommy and Daddy" to them on the air.
Howard also is very sensitive to women and women's issues, and never puts them down, and that includes the strippers and porno stars that regularly appear on his show.
While many very successful men exude a sense of hubris and never reveal their true selves to anyone, Howard speaks his mind in an unfailingly honest way ...; a feature that often gets him in trouble.
Howard is half Jewish, and there is a demand among many women of all religions to meet Jewish men, as long as they are funny, and especially if they are tall.
Howard admits on the air that he regularly sees a therapist and is constantly trying to improve himself psychologically. Far more women than men are into therapy and most women view such a willingness to get in touch with one's feelings as a real positive. Along similar lines, he has also practiced transcendental meditation for more than three decades.
Women value intelligence and Howard is extremely bright. He has a college degree from Boston University and his favorite hobby is playing chess.
He is an animal lover, a characteristic that most women adore. He has had dogs for most of his adult life and does a lot of charity work for the North Shore Animal League.
And yes, he has been very successful. The self-proclaimed "King of All Media" has not only had a successful radio career (he is the primary reason why satellite radio exists today), but he has published two books that reached number one on the New York Times best-seller list, developed and starred in a biographical movie and has produced several successful television shows.
Now, before any readers start firing off angry e-mails to me, let's just drop the explosive name "Howard Stern" from this article. I maintain that any moderately successful 56-year-old divorced man with three older children who is 6 foot 5, very bright, an animal and chess lover, with a great sense of humor and who is into self improvement will have an extremely high Dating Quotient.
Even if his name is Howard Stern.
Steve Penner was the owner of the Boston-based dating service LunchDates for nearly 23 years and interviewed and listened to feedback from thousands of singles from all over New England. He welcomes comments and feedback at pennerst@hotmail.com. Penner's book, "The Truth about Dating Revealed; How to Realize and Raise Your Dating Quotient," is available at local bookstores and through his Web site www.thetruthaboutdating.com, where he also blogs about dating and relationships and pop culture.
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