The Woman With the Highest 'DQ' Is...

Within minutes of the publishing of my last column citing Howard Stern as the man with the highest Dating Quotient (that is most marketable in the dating world), I received an e-mail from a reader asking me to name a comparable woman with a very high DQ.
Now I hope that regular readers of this column realize that a woman with a high DQ would be someone who is in some ways a direct opposite of Howard Stern, which highlights the abyss-like differences between men and women. That is, a very tall, 55-year-old (another reader corrected me that I mistakenly listed Stern as 56) divorced mother of three children would not have a high DQ.
Anyway, the name that immediately popped into my head was the actress Natalie Portman. For adult men she is at a perfect age, 28, she is slender and petite.
(Yes, contrary to what a lot of women think, most adult men do not aspire to meet 22 year olds. Well, they might "meet" them, but when seeking a woman for a potential long-term relationship, most guys prefer someone a little older. So I project, depending on the man's age that a woman's DQ peaks in the 26-34 age range. Of course that doesn't mean that a woman in her 40s and 50s cannot have a high DQ. Remember, I am describing the woman with the highest DQ.)
Now Natalie is also very intelligent, and, in most of her roles, she plays a bright, down-to-earth woman with a sort of sassy/quirky personality. In fact when interviewing and coaching single and divorced men in recent years, the most common personality trait requested was a playful sense of humor. Men today are looking for women who are fun, interesting and somewhat challenging.
This is a marked change over the past couple of decades. Back in the 1980s, when I started my dating service, men seemed to prefer women with a more traditional, passive female personality.
Having said all of these positives about Natalie Portman, on second thought I realize that Natalie the actress would NOT have the highest DQ. She is too famous, and while most guys would love to meet her and perhaps date her for a while, it is doubtful that most "civilian" men (who are not celebrities) would really want a long-term, serious relationship with a movie star.
So the woman with the highest DQ would NOT be Natalie Portman, but it might be a fictional character that Natalie would play in a movie.
That is, she would look, talk, and act like Natalie Portman, but she would not be a famous actress. In 2009 a woman with a high Dating Quotient certainly would have a job that brings in a decent paycheck. But it would also be a job in which getting ahead does not mean developing an extremely aggressive personality, working long hours or having to travel constantly. (Note that in a previous paragraph I said men prefer a woman who is "somewhat" challenging.)
The woman with the highest DQ would probably have a job that allows for flexibility in terms of scheduling or taking time off to raise a family. While many women today hold high-powered positions that require long hours and mandate inflexible schedules, women in those careers would see their DQ drop. (Remember Mia in the HBO series "In Treatment?")
So what do men ask for? At the dating service that I ran for 23 years and when talking with men with whom I have been consulting as a dating coach in recent years, I have found that the careers most requested by men involve working in what have long been considered traditional female jobs.
That would include working in education or some form of allied health-related field, such as speech or physical therapy. Men also like women in creative fields, but those women would have to have achieved some level of success as artists, musicians, or writers.
This is another way in which men have evolved. Remember, before the women's movement of the 1970s, most men would have not wanted their wives to work outside of the home. Think of "Mad Men's" Don Draper or Pete Daniels' reactions if their wives had suddenly announced they wanted to seek full-time jobs.
It is only in the past 20 years or so that men not only have come to prefer that their wives work, but also that they bring in an income that will help with the mortgage and other skyrocketing family expenses, such as health insurance and college tuitions.
Therefore, allow me to have fun designing my fictional Natalie Portman character with an extremely high DQ. She would have the following characteristics:
· Since Natalie would be playing her, she obviously would look like Natalie Portman. (George Lucas recognized Natalie's broad appeal to men, casting her in the important role of Queen Amadila in three "Star Wars" movies.)
· She would be a physical therapist, who derives a real sense of satisfaction working with young children with physical handicaps.
· Perhaps she also achieved some success by publishing a children's book about a handicapped child who builds a space ship and travels to the moon. The book would not be a best-seller, but it would sell well enough to ensure consistent royalties if and when the character decides to take time off from her job to have a family.
· She would be single, and although in her late 20s (since she devoted so much time and effort to her career), her dating background would be somewhat limited ...; perhaps a boyfriend in college and a few short-term relationships.
· She would possess a slightly sarcastic, quirky sense of humor, which helps her kid around with her handicapped child clients. Eventually she would use that humor to playfully banter when she meets "Mr. Right."
· She would be very down-to-earth, eschewing expensive jewelry and designer clothes, and she would wear a minimal amount of makeup (you know, the no-makeup, makeup look).
· In her free time she would be very athletic, playing golf, skiing, working out regularly, and perhaps running in 10K races.
· Of course she would not smoke or drink more than socially, as she would strive to lead a healthy lifestyle.
· Perhaps she would also do volunteer work, raising money for a nonprofit organization that gives scholarships to handicapped kids so they can eventually go to college.
OK, the above is just an outline of a woman that I believe would have close to a perfect Dating Quotient in this day and age. And before women who don't fit those criteria start sending me angry e-mails, remember I am just passing on what men have told me when asked to describe the type of woman they want to meet.
So please don't shoot the messenger. Oh what the heck, feel free to fire away.