Reality Check on 'The Bachelor'

First I must admit that in the 18 seasons that “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” have been aired on ABC, I may have watched a TOTAL of 15 minutes of the two shows.
Now it is not because I am one of those snobby people who claim to be too sophisticated to watch “reality television.” In fact I am quite proud to admit that I have watched every episode of all 18 seasons of “Survivor,” so I know how addicting these shows can be once you are hooked.
I have also noted with interest that when checking the “Most Viewed” articles on seascoastonline.com, any article pertaining to “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” almost always ranks near the top. People obviously love the shows and love reading about them.
But as someone who has written a column titled “The Truth About Dating” for over four years, I have always been somewhat perplexed at the very premise of the shows. That is, I presumed that the purpose of both shows was for a bachelor or a bachelorette to select a mate out of a group of women (or men) that were “cast” by the shows’ producers.
And, naturally, the final selection of someone to marry would have to neatly coincide with the scheduled number of episodes for each season. The very premise sounded preposterous to me.
I am someone who ran a dating service for 23 years. I therefore do not believe that one should simply rely on fate to meet the love of one’s life. But the very premise of both shows seems to go much too far in the opposite direction.
How could someone really determine after just a handful of dates (while also dating many other people at the same time) that their final selection was someone they would want to spend the rest of their life with?
It bothered me that this show was once again selling that “Disneyish” fairy tale that you can “spot” your true love in a twinkle of the eye and KNOW that this person is your one true love.
Or so I thought. I decided to do some research on the shows to see, after all these seasons, how these marriages turned out. So I turned to my trusted Internet research tool, Wikipedia. And I found the show’s results fascinating.
I had presumed that all of the bachelors and bachelorettes at the final “Rose Ceremony” would have proposed marriage, AND that they would then in fact be getting married soon thereafter. After all, isn’t that what the shows were supposed to be all about?
I examined the results posted on Wiki, and much to my surprise I saw that of the 13 bachelors, only six were foolhardy enough to actually propose marriage on the season’s final show. And of the six who did, I read the following results:
* Aaron and Helene “broke up after several months”* Andrew and Jen “broke up in December, 2003”* Byron and Mary “are still engaged, but no wedding date planned”* Andy and Tessa “called off the engagement one month after the finale”* Matt and Shayne “broke up in July, 2008”* Jason and Melissa “broke up publicly…during the ‘After the Rose’ finale” (I guess Jason changed his mind and this became a major media controversy)
And what about the bachelorettes? Since women are far more romantic than men (and many have really believed since they were five years old that “Someday My Prince Will Come”) four of the five bachelorettes actually did propose marriage on the final episode. And what happened to those engagements?
* Well, blow me away, Trista and Ryan actually did marry and have two children! How does that saying go, “Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while?”
* Meredith and Ian “were engaged at the end of the show but ended their relationship in February 2005.”
* DeAnna and Jesse’s “wedding was set for May 9, 2009, but they broke up in November 2008.”
* Jillian and Edward (on the season that just ended this week) “will be moving to Chicago… and they stated that they would be married in the next 12 months.” Wanna bet?
So, of the 18 supposed marriages that ABC touted were going to result from “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” shows, exactly one actually happened.
Perhaps these shows are not doing the damage that I was afraid they were going to do, misleading viewers into believing that true love can be found on what is basically a game show. Perhaps both shows are just pure entertainment and nothing more.
If that’s the case, then I’ll just emulate Sarah Palin and use a basketball analogy, “no harm, no foul.”

What If You Could Read Your Partner's Mind?

I love the HBO show "True Blood," in which the human heroine Sookie Stackhouse is having a torrid love affair with the vampire Bill Compton. The show has so many facets and twists and turns that one could probably write a PhD dissertation about the psychological ramifications of a human dating a vampire.

The show also includes telepaths, shape-shifters, werewolves, demons, etc., although so far the one serial killer on the show in Season One turned out to be a "normal" human.

But what I find most interesting is that the star, Sookie, is drawn to Bill for the primary reason that since she can read the minds of all the humans she encounters, she cannot read Bill the vampire's mind!

Which leads me to speculate how many relationships in the real world would last if men and women could read the thoughts of their respective partners! Just something to think about.

Short Men Speak Up!

I find it amazing that I continue to get responses from men to a column I wrote LAST SUMMER about how women discriminate against short men. Here is a recent email:

I just finished reading the article on shortmen and dating, (or should I say trying to date?), and found it quite accurate. Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge the fact that a lot of women, not all, but many, many women do refuse to date short men. I've a lot of experience in this area. I'm 5'2'' and have been trying to meet a mate to finally settle down with. However, at 51 it's not looking too good!

Whenever I've tried to explain to people how difficult it is to try to find someone to date, they always say the same thing, "You just haven't found the right person". No shit!!!! The fact of the matter is 99% of the women want "Mr. Big". To make things worse, short women are the most stuborn, I believe. I've dated so few girls my own height. I've actually had better luck with tall women 5' 10" or taller - seriously!

Today, women date men of any race, religion, color, etc., except when it comes to height! I know. I don't share this with a lot of folks because I fear they'll think I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Give me a break. Walk in my shoes for one day!

Support for the Short

As regular readers of my columns and blogs know, one of my pet peeves is the discrimination that many women exhibit against shorter men...otherwise known as "heightism."

Last night I was interviewed by Joe Mangano, who runs a web site entitled "Support for the Short." It is an fascinating site with lots of interesting information about how short men are discriminated against not only in terms of dating, but in all aspects of life.

To visit Joe's site go to this link www.supportfortheshort.org/ . You can also listen to our interview, which he has downloaded onto his site.

It's Opening Day!

Today is Opening Day for the 2009 baseball season.

If you are a baseball fan you already know that. If you didn't know that fact, then you probably aren't a baseball fan. It's that simple.

Years ago this was a day that primarily guys were excited about. But today it is great to realize that many, many women have adopted baseball as their favorite sport.

One of the best possible dates any couple can have is to attend a professional baseball game! And that holds true even for Minor League games...which are much less expensive.

Where else can you watch a game, chat away, stand and cheer (or boo) and have a wonderful time together?For couples just starting to date I strongly encourage you to forget going to the movies or even out to dinner. Nothing beats the sights and smells of a baseball game, especially in the Spring.

And no restaurant can serve an entree that tastes as good as a hot dog, slathered with mustard at a ballgame.

So Play Ball!

'The Bachelor' - Much Ado About Nothing!

I guess there is a lot of hoopla about the fact that on the recent Season Finale of "The Bachelor," Jason changed his mind about proposing to whomever. I understand that a lot of viewers (probably almost all women) are very upset with Jason.

Now let me say that I have never watched one complete episode of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette." I do admit I have caught a few minutes of these shows while channel-surfing and feeling completely bored. But a few minutes is about all I can take.

I think what bugs me most is the premise that after a short series of dates with a number of women or men, people are supposed to "fall in love" and decide to spend the rest of their lives with a fellow "contestant." Then viewers are actually surprised when someone changes his mind or one of these relationships doesn't work out? I think Jason should be commended for having realized how silly the whole concept of proposing to someone within the time confines of a TV series is!All I know is that the message such shows send obsessed viewers is that "true love" is something that can be identified over a relatively short period of time.

Of course many of these same viewers then emulate the "bachelors" and "bachelorettes" and fall in love and propose to one another after a relatively brief courting period.And people wonder why the divorce rate in this country is so high!