Paula leaving ‘Idol?' Say it isn't so!

I managed to survive Lt. Colonel Henry Blake's departure from “M*A*S*H.” And when big brother Adam Cartwright left Bonanza I was just fine. I wasn't thrilled when Chrissy Snow moved out on “Three's Company,” and I have to admit that when Adriana was dragged through the woods and “executed” by Silvio on “The Sopranos” I was a bit shaken.
BUT Paula Abdul leaving “American Idol,” the number one show on television for most of this century? Well that is going to be hard to take.
Look, I fully realize that Paula was (and is) a “whack job.” Don't feed me the line that as the “nurturing mother” of ‘Idol,' the show's heart has been removed. I just read a quote from Season 6 winner Jordin Sparks that “The contestants are going to be so traumatized…There's not going to be anyone to soften the blow.”
Season 6 runner-up Blake Lewis added “Paula leaving ‘American Idol' is like a honeycomb without the honey. She brought a sweetness to the AI that no one can replace.”
Those quotes make me want to gag. Oh, the poor contestants won't have Paula to tell them how wonderful and talented they all are. Poor babies.
But the fact is that my main reason for watching “Idol” was the comedy that ensued in the give and take between her and Simon. Her wide-eyed naiveté played off perfectly against Mr. Cowell's snarkiness. She was the Gracie Allen to his George Burns, the Stan Laurel to his Oliver Hardy.
For me the highlight of the show's first eight seasons was the look on Simon's face when Paula thought a contestant had already sang twice. Or the bedazzled looks on everyone's face trying to figure just what the heck she was trying to say so many times. It was often apparent that when she started speaking a sentence, Paula had no idea how it was going to end. How about last year when Simon drew on her with crayons?
My biggest worry about “Idol” has always been that it would take itself too seriously, but the childish interplay between Paula and Simon always just prevented the show from crossing that line.
The fact is that her “replacement,” Kara DioGuardi, is too normal, too vanilla. She really takes the show too seriously, and her efforts at coming up with “meaningful” comments are just boring.
Will the show still be somewhat entertaining? Sure, but it won't be nearly as easy to make fun of without Ms. Abdul. Want the perfect analogy? Kara is Shemp to Paula's Curly, and while the “Three Stooges” were pretty good with Shemp, it was Curly, and his interactions with Moe, that really and truly made the Stooges absolutely hysterical.
Hopefully this is just a money issue, and Paula's claim to quit the show was just a negotiating ploy. Perhaps someone somewhere can start another “Idol Gives Back” telethon to raise the money to lure Paula back.
I'll certainly kick in 10 bucks! How about you?