'Jon and Kate': Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous

After last week’s “train wreck,” I had to watch Monday night’s two half hour episodes of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” to see what kind of drama would ensue.

As I wrote last week, what once was a sweet, cute, and funny family show had evolved into a tearful drama that had reminded me of “Celebrity Rehab.”

Season Five’s first show drew amazing ratings, along with all sorts of national publicity. In fact yesterday’s USA Today had two relatively long (for the “nation’s newspaper”) articles about the show.

So when 9 p.m. rolled around I could not wait to see what was going to happen. Would Kate totally melt down? Would Jon be seen frequenting a strip club in Vegas?

But I am sorry to say the show had morphed into a third incarnation. And in one word, it was boooring!

Yes, “Jon & Kate Plus 8” has basically become “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”…or MTV’s “Cribs.”

In the first exciting episode, we got to see a surprise birthday party visit to the Food Network’s “Ace of Cakes” set. The party was supposedly arranged by the two 8 year old twins, Mady and Cara. Nice cross promotion for TLC’s sister station.

Of course Jon was not there, as he had decided to go snowboarding in Utah at the National Ability Center, an organization that helps disabled children experience the slopes.

Not to sound too cynical, but do ya’ think this might have been arranged to improve Jon’s party-boy image? By the way, was I the only one speculating if anything was “happening” between Jon and the cute blonde staff member Tracey?

I can just picture the planning meeting with the show’s producers.

Jon: “I can’t take another birthday party, especially for that ‘b..tch.’ I’ve got to get thousands of miles away. How about sending me to Vegas or Hollywood?”
Producers: “No, our focus groups show that people are starting to hate you. So you’re going to ski with handicapped kids in Utah.”
Jon: “Well, just make sure there is an attractive blonde there!”

We also got to see wonderful shots of Kate working hard, meeting her fans at book signings. And yes, she admitted to several adoring fans that indeed she did miss being with her kids. By the way, I have to wonder who is doing Kate’s makeup and hair this season. Could it possibly be Adam Lambert’s stylist?

In the second show, Jon was the parent staying home with the eight kids. (You see, raising eight children apparently only requires one parent being on hand at a time.)

So we had lots of shots of the grounds of their estate, and the children riding around in their battery-powered cars. I kept flashing back to one of my favorite comic books when I was a kid…”Richie Rich.” For drama, we got to see little Alexis fall and bite her lip.

And where was Kate? Well, when eight year old Mady said she wanted to spend some alone time with mom, instead of a trip to the local mall, they immediately jetted off to San Diego for four days of spa treatments and trips to the beach.

We discovered that Mady prefers pedicures to manicures! Now I started wondering if little Paris Hilton took similar trips with her mommy when she was eight.

So I was wrong about any comparison between this show and “Celebrity Rehab.” I think it’s just a matter of time before we see Kate teaming up with Donald Trump and appearing on “Celebrity Apprentice.”

And I would not bet against her winning!