More 'New Rules' for Television

Once again, with apologies to Bill Maher, here are another set of “New Rules” I would like to see imposed on television.
1. NEW RULE – Especially since the sound on commercials is always extra loud, the ringing of doorbells and the barking of dogs MUST be eliminated. Late at night my dog Sophie will finally be curled up asleep at my side, when suddenly a doorbell or barking dog blares out in a commercial, waking her up and sending her zooming around the house!
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2. NEW RULE – Yes I enjoy looking at young attractive women, but when a cable news network (especially Fox News) presents a panel of “experts” commenting on an important political issue, such as the health care debate or the wars in Iran and Afghanistan, the entire panel MUST not resemble the finalists in a Miss Universe competition.
3. NEW RULE – On “Extreme Makeover: Home Addition,” the producers MUST explain how the pathetically poor families who are given an ostentatiously large and ornate house will be able to pay the utility and tax bills for their new “castles.” The concept of the show is great, but they definitely overdue these makeovers.
4. NEW RULE – Weathermen MUST tone down their exaggerated claims of severe storm warnings in order to entice viewers to “stay tuned.” In the fall every developing storm in the Caribbean sounds like the second coming of Katrina, and in the winter every prediction of snow sounds like the second coming of the Blizzard of '78!
5. NEW RULE – Exciting dramas with ongoing story arcs MUST stop giving away important plot developments when previewing the following week's episode. My favorite show “Dexter” is especially guilty of committing this heinous sin.
6. NEW RULE - Speaking of previews, when a morning show such as “Today” says “coming up” before cutting to commercials, the previewed segment MUST be aired immediately follow the commercials, not 45 minutes later.
7. NEW RULE – Any commercial that shows a talking baby MUST be eliminated. They are not cute at all, and in fact they are eerily weird and exceedingly annoying.
8. NEW RULE – NBC MUST return Jay Leno to a later time shot or get rid of him altogether. His nightly prime time show is unwatchable. Such classic NBC shows as “Hill Street Blues,” “LA Law,” and “ER,” used to occupy that 10:00 time slot.
9. NEW RULE – Holiday commercials for a specific store that say “today only, lowest prices of the season” MUST not be allowed to be re-aired a few days later.
10. NEW RULE - The college football bowl season MUST end on New Years' Day, except perhaps for one championship game. This year there are only five games scheduled to be televised on January 1 and nine games scheduled for the week after! Along the same lines, the Fox network MUST not be allowed to stretch out the baseball playoffs so that World Series games are played in November.